Self-Discipline
I think I'm finally back to being on a "normal" schedule. My shrink gave me strict orders to be in bed by midnight and get up at 8 a.m. no matter what, even if I can't fall asleep until 3 a.m. I haven't been so good about about being in bed by midnight (last night I was in bed at 1:37 a.m.), but this morning I got up at 7:47 a.m., and I've been falling asleep rather easily these past couple of weeks, and getting up fairly early. Gone are the days of my falling asleep at 5 a.m. and getting up at noon or 1 p.m. I can so easily fall into that pattern, which is a destructive one for me, since then I really don't want to work in the afternoon. Ideally, I want to work about 20 hours a week and spend the rest of the time on my writing. Ideally.
I get so much more work done in the morning. I feel much more energized when I'm out of bed by 7:30 a.m.
Although my shrink and I have discussed this for the past couple of months, this week it really hit home that most of my problems boil down to scheduling and self-discipline. As a child, I was never instilled with self-discipline. My mother worked at night. I'd never do all of my homework. I'd leave my notebooks, textbooks, and assignments at school or I'd misplace them. I was kind of a wreck that way. At my last job, I wasn't like that until the end. I was such a go-getter, always trying to prove my worth there. But then I became editor in chief, and I felt like I had nothing left to prove after the first two years of being at the "helm." Why do I always have to have something to prove?
I think it comes down to how I was as a kid. I had few, if any friends--not until 11th grade, really. I was so unpopular, picked on all the time. So in my head I always thought, "I'll show them. I'll be the smartest." And really, I was. I won all these English, language arts, and history contests. But I was never really more than a B student in high school. Sure, I got lots of A's, but those balanced out with a lot of B's, and three (four? yes, four) D's my senior year. I never even tried to get into a really great school, because I didn't think I'd be accepted. Plus, I could only really afford to go to a state college. Well, I couldn't even afford that; I've still got a ton of student loans to pay off. The weird thing is, UW-Madison is ranked much higher now than it was when I was there; it's much harder to get into. There were so many po-dunk C students there when I was in school. Now people say to me, "You went to Madison? That's a great school." It really is (and was). I miss Madison a lot. I don't know if I could ever go back to living there, though. I think I could probably spend a summer there writing. But the winters? Yikes. I remember one time it was minus-12 degrees *without* the wind chill factor. I felt the cold in my bones. It hurt!
I've already had my morning coffee, worked on a big project, and put clothes in the washer. It's such a great feeling to get up early. It really reduces my anxiety tremendously. Going to see the shrink in Beverly Hills in three hours. La-dee-daa.
Oh! One more thing: Sex is good. That's all I'm saying. Not naming names. Just sayin' sex is good.
I get so much more work done in the morning. I feel much more energized when I'm out of bed by 7:30 a.m.
Although my shrink and I have discussed this for the past couple of months, this week it really hit home that most of my problems boil down to scheduling and self-discipline. As a child, I was never instilled with self-discipline. My mother worked at night. I'd never do all of my homework. I'd leave my notebooks, textbooks, and assignments at school or I'd misplace them. I was kind of a wreck that way. At my last job, I wasn't like that until the end. I was such a go-getter, always trying to prove my worth there. But then I became editor in chief, and I felt like I had nothing left to prove after the first two years of being at the "helm." Why do I always have to have something to prove?
I think it comes down to how I was as a kid. I had few, if any friends--not until 11th grade, really. I was so unpopular, picked on all the time. So in my head I always thought, "I'll show them. I'll be the smartest." And really, I was. I won all these English, language arts, and history contests. But I was never really more than a B student in high school. Sure, I got lots of A's, but those balanced out with a lot of B's, and three (four? yes, four) D's my senior year. I never even tried to get into a really great school, because I didn't think I'd be accepted. Plus, I could only really afford to go to a state college. Well, I couldn't even afford that; I've still got a ton of student loans to pay off. The weird thing is, UW-Madison is ranked much higher now than it was when I was there; it's much harder to get into. There were so many po-dunk C students there when I was in school. Now people say to me, "You went to Madison? That's a great school." It really is (and was). I miss Madison a lot. I don't know if I could ever go back to living there, though. I think I could probably spend a summer there writing. But the winters? Yikes. I remember one time it was minus-12 degrees *without* the wind chill factor. I felt the cold in my bones. It hurt!
I've already had my morning coffee, worked on a big project, and put clothes in the washer. It's such a great feeling to get up early. It really reduces my anxiety tremendously. Going to see the shrink in Beverly Hills in three hours. La-dee-daa.
Oh! One more thing: Sex is good. That's all I'm saying. Not naming names. Just sayin' sex is good.
posted by Chai on Life! at 10:13 AM
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