Toys I Had When I Was a Kid

This is the first post of many in this subject to come. Below are photos of toys I had with a kid, along with comments.


This Ernie puppet was one of my favorites. He's probably in a landfill now. That's so sad.




I was freakin' TRANSFIXED by this Fisher Price desk set. One day, when I was about four, my brother took a bunch of the letters and put them in a skillet on the (lit) stove because he wanted to make alphabet soup. The results were disastrous.




Remember this heterosexist, homophobic game? The object is to get married, get rich, and have as many kids as possible. I remember they had these little pink and blue "people pegs" you inserted into your game piece (which was a little car). Maybe I should create a version called The Gay Game of Life. The car will be a Miata and it will play Cher's "Believe."




When I was eight, I begged my mother for a ventriloquist dummy. I was obsessed with them. For Christmas I got this one, named Tessie Talk. My mom found her in the Sears catalog. I was disappointed because I wanted a Charlie McCarthy-esque ventriloquist dummy, and this one was a far cry from the classic dummies of yesteryear. After a while, Tessie started to scare me. For some reason I decided to shellac her hair with orange paint, and then I stowed her away in a box in the basement.




One of my faves: Fisher Price's Jolly Jalopy pulltoy. The tires made a loud clicking noise.

I Got Accepted to College!!!

I just got accepted by Los Angeles City College! Okay, it's a community college, but so what? I'm going to take a web-design class and hopefully some criminal justice classes. You heard me right. I want to take forensic evidence and also fingerprinting. I'm nuts, I know. The classes are $60-$80 each.

I Am Billy Campbell!

I just took this "Which Melrose Place Character Are You?" quiz. Click below to find out which one you are...



You are Billy Campbell, supportive heterosexual rooommate. Usually it seems like you're just along for the ride, surrounded by a bevy of chicks with problems. Don't let that make you evil, and try to find a balance between misplaced ambition and love.

Which Melrose Place Character Are You?

Love Is...

I've been trying to figure out who those two creepy bighead characters look like. I think I've got it:

Monty Hall and Kelly Rippa. If you don't believe me, let the photos speak for themselves.

KFC Snacker

So nasty yet so good... And only 99 cents. I was having a crazy low-blood-sugar attack this afternoon after leaving the house without eating anything, and two of these things did the job.

Here's an informative article from this past spring:

Chicken Littles return to KFC under "Snacker" moniker
Apr 01 - 7:00 pm EST
Overzealous tipsters are rejoicing at the latest fast food phenomena. After a near six-year lull, KFC last month reincarnated the much-famed "Chicken Little" bite-sized sandwich, now dubbed the "Snacker." In an email to AppleInsider, KFC refused to divulge its secret Snacker recipe, making only the following statement: "KFC's DNA is taste, and protection of the coveted Snacker recipe is crucial to our success." But sources close to the fast food giant said the Snacker likely consists of a breaded and deep-fried all-white meat chicken strip, pepper-mayo sauce and romaine lettuce on a sesame seed bun.

From the Egg Advisory Council

It's a little before 7 p.m., and my sister is napping. When she gets up, I'm going to have a talk with her:

ME: Sisters need to stick together.
HER: Yeah?
ME: But they can't stick together if one of them eats almost two dozen eggs in a week.

A few minutes ago, I was thinking about what I might like to make for dinner:

ME: Eggs, toast, and veggie sausage! Yum! (Checks refrigerator: One egg is in there.)

How can one person eat two dozen eggs in a week? I mean, my sister just bought those like a week ago (after I'd been buying the eggs for weeks, and I hardly ever eat eggs). I was totally jonesing for breakfast for dinner, and now I can't have it. Sigh. I have like $2 in my checking account right now, so I can't even go out and get eggs. I'm afraid I'll overdraw my account. Fortunately, I'm getting a check very soon.

Last night I looked through my fridge and cabinets to see what was there, and the pickings were kinda slim. But I had some frozen chicken breasts, spaghetti, and asparagus. So I Googled those three items to see if I could make something with it. I found a great recipe that called for those items, but I replaced the penne pasta with spaghetti, and I added a can of diced tomatoes. It was damn good! If any of you have fairly bare cabinets like me, Google some of the items you have and you'll be sure to find a tasty recipe.

Right now I have bread, flour, bananas, some canned soup, a frozen Lean Cuisine mini pizza, some frozen green beans and asparagus, peanut butter (as usual), walnuts, sugar, salt, pepper, other spices, a couple of carrots, frozen pizza dough, canned soup, Premium saltine crackers, butter, parmesan cheese in a can, a couple of tomatoes and a little lettuce, one bagel, and a few more things. To me, this is slim pickings. I'll probably end up eating a can of Amy's split pea soup and a handful of saltines.

But I want eggs and toast!!!!

So Disturbing

I'm half-watching BATMAN & ROBIN (1997) on TV as I'm doing some editing work. Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze is so hideously awful. He just said, "LET'S...KICK...SOME...ICE!"

I can't believe this man is my governor.

Love Is...Not Drawing Pervy Cartoons

I've always hated these "Love Is..." comics. They're downright terrifying. I had no idea how terrifying they'd gotten until I picked up the L.A. TIMES today and saw one of them. Then I found recent ones online. The daughter of the guy who created them is now doing them. And, I've got to say, she is a complete pervert. See the comics, along with my commentary, below.


What the hell? I always thought these two bigheads were CHILDREN!!! Now it looks as though they HAVE children! (Maybe they cloned themselves and these are smaller versions of them??) And they're all freakin' naked. Either these mutant "parents" are completely warped or they live on some nudist Christian commune. This is f-ed up.





Further evidence that this "family" lives on a nudist Christian commune. NAKED IN CHURCH! I wonder what they're singing. Probably "David Koresh is our leader... La la la. Long live David Koresh. Wait, he's dead. La la la la. Let's dig him up and prop him up on the altar. La la..."





This one is the most troubling of all, not because of its content (it's pretty tame), but because the chick is wearing clothes. In all the other comics, she's naked, but here she's wearing clothes in the one place you'd expect her to be naked: the bathroom! It defies all logic.





Date rape in the woods, anyone?





YUCK! I can't believe newspapers publish this filth. It's outrageous. I'm going to have to e-mail Dixie Carter, formerly of DESIGNING WOMEN, and let her know about the smut that's disguising itself as family-friendly fun these days. She's a big anti-porno advocate, and I'm sure she'd take up this cause in a heartbeat.